So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize