This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
