Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
