she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
