and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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