I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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