I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
