we have pet lesbian snakes
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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