I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
