I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
