he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
