I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
