my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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