I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
