I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
