You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
