So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
