There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
