he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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