Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
