Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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