Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
