Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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