She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I said "one day" and that day is not today
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize