You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
