I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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