school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
