Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
