Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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