everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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