Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I need to sanitize my soul.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize