Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
