I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
