Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
