I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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