I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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