So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
