Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
