What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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