Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
