3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Randomize
