also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i love accidental penises.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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