I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
