drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
