Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
