His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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