I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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