we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
