Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We named our party play list daddy issues
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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