My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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