her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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