just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
