O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
