A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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