So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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