You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
