so that wasnt chicken after all
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We have started to decorate penises.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
