Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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