So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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