If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
