hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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