Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize