Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
