i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I will be naked everywhere
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
