i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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