Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
