Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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