Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
