There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
