Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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