No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
