We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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