Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
