So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
