are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
