He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
