I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
