They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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