Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
there is puke in my bra ... again
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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