I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
