i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
