I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
