i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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