Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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