i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
