you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize