Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
