The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
